she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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