her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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