My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
third nipple confirmed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
