i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We are all done wearing pants today
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
