so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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