Nicole vs. Life
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
