Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
