People in love make me want to vomit
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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