if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
