i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Randomize
