Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's always time for handjobs
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
