ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
