Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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