Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
