if only i could text you this smell
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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