Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
