you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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