not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
