Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
