Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
