I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
