So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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