when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
