Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
