Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
