yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
