No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
