I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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