I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
