Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
