would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
