I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
