Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
