Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
