It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
