I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
