just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
