hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
