i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Couch. On fire.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
