hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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