Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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