Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
