I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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