saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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