i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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