i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
