someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have aggressive nipples.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
