i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't deserve a penis
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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