just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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