I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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