Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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